Reflection: Your Ideal Death

What would your ideal death be like? And what can we learn from the Buddha's death?

Sallie Jiko Tisdale

Reflection: Your Ideal Death

So get your notebook and pen. I'm going to ask you to do a little thinking.

Imagine your ideal death

I want you to write about your ideal death. 

  • What do you imagine? If you can make this be anything you want, where are you? Who is there?
  • Think about all your senses. Are you inside or outside? What's the weather like? What's the temperature? What do you hear? What do you see?
  • Who is there? Is anyone touching you? Is there a scent in the air? Is there music?

Take yourself into this imaginary perfect moment. We'll take just a few minutes to do this.

Let's come back together for the next part.

Seeing death

When we are talking about death, one of the most important things is to really see it, to really see this is what happens. This is how we die. This is what it looks like.

The Mahaparinirvana Sutra (DN 16) tells the story of the Buddha's death and his last days and teaching. We are told that he died of food poisoning.

And soon after the Blessed One had eaten the meal provided by Cunda the metal worker, a dire sickness fell upon him, even dysentery, and he suffered sharp and deadly pains. But the Blessed One endured them mindfully, clearly comprehending and unperturbed, a dreadful sickness.

If you have ever had food poisoning, you know what that means: vomiting, diarrhea, great weakness, and pain.

The Buddha walked until he couldn't walk anymore, and then he sat down. And he sat up until he couldn't sit up any longer, and then he lay down. Ananda, his attendant, prepared a bed for him under the sala trees.

Then the Blessed One lay down on his right side, in the lion's posture, resting one foot upon the other, and so disposed himself, mindfully and clearly comprehending. At that time, the Venerable Upavana was standing before the Blessed One fanning him, and the Blessed One rebuked him, saying, "Move aside, Bhikkhu, do not stand in front of me."

The Tathagata tells Ananda that this is because there are many beings from many worlds who have come to see him to say goodbye. They've come to hear his final teaching. They want to look upon him. And he has no fear of being seen. He is an old man. He is completely dependent on other people at this point. He cannot even stand. His body is racked with pain and fever. He is throwing up. He is soiling himself. And he invites everyone, every being, to come and see. And so Upavana must move.

What a great lesson that moment is. I come back to that lesson over and over again. "Move aside. Don't shield me. Don't hide this. I am not ashamed." He tells us that this will come to us as well, that we cannot pretend it won't be our turn. We should see what is happening, and we should see that he is not ashamed.

At this point, Ananda weeps with terrible grief. He thinks, "I am not ready. I have not done enough. My teacher is leaving, and I am not ready." And the Buddha rebukes him as well.

Enough, Ananda. Do not grieve. Do not lament. For have I not taught from the very beginning that with all that is dear and beloved, there must be change, separation, and severance?
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